It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize