And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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