I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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