I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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