Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
