her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
