I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
