i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
