I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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