Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
whose parrot is this?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
