Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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