mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
