it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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