On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
