she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
