please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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