just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
