hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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