My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
