it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize