just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
