Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
