hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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