I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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