Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
