where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
