Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
