Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You can't just leave with hair like that
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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