The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
