I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
