I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
