Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
