uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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