I hate your face
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
