maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Randomize
