I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
