Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
