I puked a lego.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
