Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
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I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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