I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
