I think I am morally bankrupt
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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