Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize