One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
