rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
this just has baby written all over it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
