I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize