they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
