I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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