Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
