Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
