NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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