I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
