And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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