No more Irish car bombs ever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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