I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
