Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
