Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
