I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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