what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
