My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
