wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
