We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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