I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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