Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Randomize
