Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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