There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
