I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
