Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
