my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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