I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
