Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
