No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
