somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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