Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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