thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
