I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
