All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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